I Ordered A Puppy Got Two Incubi Instead Chapter 05

I Ordered A Puppy Got Two Incubi Instead Chapter 05

After several days of failing to score a free Incubus owner’s manual online, I unexpectedly ran into a walking, talking version of one during a family dinner that weekend. 

It was our annual Christmas gathering, and for the first time 

in months, I saw my cousin Maya Vance again. 

Maya had struggled with acne for years. She’d seen dermatologists, tried prescription meds, spent ridiculous amounts on skincare, and nothing had worked. But this time? 

Her skin was flawless. 

Not just clear. Glowing. Smooth, healthy, ridiculously pretty. 

I honestly thought she’d found some miracle serum or 

celebrity skincare treatment. 

Instead, she leaned closer and whispered, “I got an Incubus.” 

Out of everyone in the family my age, Maya and I had always been the closest. She never hid anything from me. 

“After my breakup a few months ago, I bought one,” she admitted casually. “They’re everywhere online lately. Don’t 

tell me you haven’t heard about them.” 

I nodded slowly. 

But then I frowned. “Wait. You cleared your skin with an Incubus?” 

Could Incubi regulate hormones now too? 

Maya pressed closer, lowering her voice conspiratorially. 

“Oh, absolutely. Trust me, cousin, Incubi are incredible for your health. Once they’re satisfied, they’ll do anything you 

want. And the experience is insane.” 

I froze. 

Suddenly, everything clicked. 

So Maya was one of those anonymous internet girls posting comments like best experience of my life. 

When I didn’t react much, she clicked her tongue. “Whatever. 

Once you have one yourself, you’ll understand how amazing 

this is.” 

Since she was being honest, I figured I might as well be honest 

too. 

“I do have Incubi,” I admitted. 

Two of them, actually. 

Maya immediately looked at me with the delighted expression 

of someone discovering a fellow degenerate in the wild. 

“I knew it,” she declared. “We’re totally the same kind of 

horny.” 

I stared at her speechlessly. 

Horny? What was she talking about? 

I bought my Incubi because I thought they’d make winter 

more comfortable. That was it. 

Maya narrowed her eyes and looked me over carefully. 

“Then why does your skin look so bad?” she demanded. “Don’t tell me your Incubi suck. Did you accidentally buy 

defective ones?” 

I nearly choked. 

“What? No!” I protested instinctively. “My Incubi are 

amazing. They clean, they work, they make money, they’re 

emotionally supportive…” 

Maya blinked. “And?” 

“…And what?” 

She dragged me into a corner like we were exchanging state 

secrets. 

“I mean in bed,” she whispered. “How are they in bed?” 

I opened my mouth. 

Then closed it again. 

Seeing my vague, stumbling reaction, Maya gasped 

dramatically. 

“Oh my God. Don’t tell me you haven’t been feeding them properly.” 

“I feed them!” I shot back. “Every day! Three meals! Soup, 

meat, vegetables…” 

Maya stared at me with the exact expression of a disappointed 

old man watching someone fail at technology. 

“Cousin,” she said slowly, “that is not how you feed an 

Incubus.” 

“…What?” 

“You seriously never read the owner’s manual?” Maya looked 

horrified. “Incubi don’t eat human food. We’re their food.” 

The next ten minutes felt less like a conversation and more 

like a painfully explicit sex–ed class. 

Maya explained everything in disturbing detail. 

By the end of it, my face was burning hot, my throat dry, and 

my entire worldview in ruins. 

“Seriously,” Maya scolded, “how could you raise Incubi without researching them first? That’s irresponsible. They’re working themselves to death while starving. Something bad 

was bound to happen.” 

I sat there in a daze. 

No wonder Xavier was always angrily accusing me of starving 

them. 

“But I did research them before buying them,” I muttered weakly. “I thought taking care of them was basically like owning dogs.” 

Maya looked appalled. 

“The difference is huge!” 

Then she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. 

“You were definitely browsing the sanitized version of the 

internet.” 

…Okay, yeah. Probably. 

Thankfully, Maya took pity on me and handed over her own 

Incubus owner’s manual. 

“I don’t need it anymore,” she said proudly. “I’ve already 

explored every inch of my Incubus from every possible angle.” 

I tried not to think too hard about that sentence. 

The manual itself was ridiculously thick. I’d only skimmed a 

few pages, just enough to confirm that yes, feeding definitely 

involved that, when my phone suddenly rang. 

It was the owner of Xavier’s boxing gym. 

“Your Incubus collapsed,” he said urgently. “He passed out 

from exhaustion.”