What Isn’t Mine, I Don’t Want Chapter 07

What Isn’t Mine, I Don’t Want Chapter 07

It’s more than ten hours by train from New York to

Hartwell.

Less than half an hour after I boarded, Adrian started calling.

I didn’t pick up.

I switched the phone off, propped my head in my hand, and looked out the window.

The train flew along, and the little towns by the tracks blurred past behind us.

All at once I thought of three years ago, the first time I came to New York.

That time I flew.

I’d never seen anything like it, and I trailed behind my brother, out of place.

Worried I’d feel awkward, he took my hand, so thoughtful, and walked me through every part of the airport.

Once we were on the plane and he saw I didn’t know how to work the seatbelt, he did it for me before I even had to

ask.

When the plane took off, my palms went cold with fear.

He smiled and held my hand.

“Get used to it, Nora. Once you’re back with the family, you’ll have to go places on your own.”

“Flying’s easy. Two trips and you won’t be scared anymore.”

Back then I was so full of hope, so full of expectation.

It never once crossed my mind that once I got to New York, I wouldn’t even be able to come home.

And now, just like that, three years had gone by.

In those three years I read up on it, practiced, got over my fear of flying.

I used to picture trips with my brother and Mom.

I even thought that next time I flew, I wouldn’t be scared, wouldn’t embarrass myself again.

But now, I still like the train.

In the end, this is the road home that lets me breathe

easy.

More than ten hours later, the train pulled into Hartwell.

It was the small hours of the morning. I caught a cab to my mom and dad’s graves.

Hartwell runs a little colder than New York, and the air had a damp chill to it.

When I knelt down on the ground, a shiver ran through

The plots had been redone, paid for and arranged by my brother two years back.

At the time I’d badly wanted to come home for the anniversary of their passing, and he, probably afraid ‘d21

go and never return, blocked me from leaving.

“Don’t worry, Nora. I’ll handle everything on your mom and dad’s end. Their anniversary will be done right, with real dignity.”

“Your job right now is to get on good terms with Sienna. Once you’re recognized as a Sinclair, there’ll be plenty of time to come back and see them.”

I went along with him, and after I met Sienna I made myself small, did everything I could to please her.

She just didn’t like me. She was always certain my showing up would take everything from her.

Every effort I was supposed to make, I made.

And if I couldn’t come home, then fine. I didn’t want that home anymore.

“Mom, Dad, from now on I’ll stay with you. I’m never leaving again.”

I choked the words out and pressed my forehead hard to the ground.

In the photo, my mom and dad were smiling at me, and looking at it ached and warmed me all at once.

It wasn’t until the morning that I got up and left, heading back to the house.

The little yard was clean.

The year I left, I’d given the chickens and hogs to the neighbors.

Now there was nothing in the yard at all.

I pushed the door open and a wall of damp air met me.

The house had sat empty so long it was dusty everywhere.

I slipped off my shoes and climbed onto the bed, dug the bedding out of the cabinet, smoothed it flat, and crawled

And then, without meaning to, I smiled.

That feeling, familiar and safe and solid, smoothed out the whole exhausting day in an instant.

The place wasn’t as nice as the one Adrian had set me up in.

But this was home.