Their Joke Ended With One Word: Ex Chapter 10

Their Joke Ended With One Word: Ex Chapter 10

I stood at the edge of the platform with the wind whipping my hair across my face.

The staffer behind me was counting down. “Three, two.”

“Hold on!”

I grabbed the harness across my chest, and my legs were shaking.

“Can I ask a question first?”

“What?” The guy leaned over, looking like he’d seen it all before. “If you’re scared you don’t have to jump. We refund half.”

“I’m not scared.” I took a breath, and the wind tore my voice into pieces. “I wanted to ask, if I

scream somebody’s name halfway down, that kind of screaming, does that mean I get to forget

him?”

The staffer was quiet for two seconds. “Are you filming something?”

“No.” My hands tightened on the harness. “I only…”

I only felt cheated.

I’d been with that man too long.

We got engaged, bought a place, booked the vendors, picked out the dress, and, in the end, I never

once said the words “let’s break up” to his face.

I’d forced myself to end it fast and clean.

That was only because I was afraid that if I calmed down, I’d forgive him again.

The night I left, he thought I was sulking.

He didn’t come after me, and I didn’t turn back.

There was never a real goodbye.

The whole relationship ended in a conversation neither of us finished.

It was like a song cut off right before the chorus, stuck in my throat with nowhere to go.

It wasn’t that I still loved him, and it wasn’t that I thought it was a waste.

It was that I’d never given my own twenties an answer.

“Never mind.” I smiled at the staffer. “Count it down.”

He started over.

The wind filled my ears.

I took half a step forward, and the second my body lost its center, every sound got pulled out of the world.

The wind, my heartbeat, the noise of the crowd behind me, all of it went.

There was only me, falling, faster and faster.

Then I opened my mouth and screamed a name.

It wasn’t his.

It was mine.

“Faye… Hart… you’re going to be happy!”

My voice hit the rock face and broke into a mess of echoes.

The free fall lasted a few seconds, and it felt like it went on for a long time.

Long enough for me to say every unfinished thing over again in my head.

The cord went tight and yanked me back up.

*****

When the staffer unhooked me, I was crouched on the mat, shaking with how hard I was crying.

He handed me a tissue. “And you said you weren’t scared.”

I took it and talked into my hands. “I’m not scared. I’m sorry I waited.”

“Sorry you jumped?”

“Sorry I didn’t jump sooner.” I looked up. “If I’d come out here two years ago and screamed a couple of times, maybe I’d have woken up then.”

He didn’t ask anything else and patted my shoulder. “Want to go again? Second one’s half off.”

I shook my head and stood up, and my legs still weren’t steady.

My phone rang when I got to the exit.

Marty had sent a message that read like a summons. Marty: [Did you get to him yet?]