I Was the One They Were Willing to Lose Chapter 05

I Was the One They Were Willing to Lose Chapter 05

The day they found out I was gone, I was at a new-student stargazing event.

The school sat on a high plateau up north, where the swing between day and night temperatures

was extreme.

Clear skies all day, then by nightfall the wind carried a real bite over the hillside.

I zipped up my jacket and helped my roommate set up the telescope.

The moment I turned my phone back on, dozens of missed calls poured in at once.

Mom. Beckett. Julian. Griffin.

The group chat had gone from irritated to full-blown panic.

Beckett asked where the hell I was hiding.

Julian said if I was just throwing a tantrum, there was still time to come back.

Griffin sent one line: [Send me the address.]

Same tone as always. Like he only had to say the word and I’d hand over my whereabouts, my feelings, every secret I had, the way I always used to.

I left the group chat and deleted all three of them.

A few seconds later, Mom called again.

I hesitated, then picked up.

“Wren Calloway, where did you go?”

Her voice was sharp with fury, and I could hear arguing in the background.

“School.”

Silence on the other end. “What school?”

I said the name.

Mom sounded like she hadn’t heard right. It took her a while to ask,

“How did you end up all the way out there? Weren’t you going to State?”

“I never applied there.’

“But Poppy and the boys said you all agreed on it together.”

I looked down at the loose gravel by my feet.

“They agreed on it among the four of them. It had nothing to do with me.”

Her breathing turned ragged.

“Changing your entire application-how could you not talk to me about something that huge?”

“Did you ever ask me?”

Dead silence on the line.

During application season, Mom had gone to the Admissions Office with Poppy three separate times, gathering admission data on a dozen schools.

She’d analyzed majors for her, calculated her class rank, even had a teacher help draft her school

list.

I sat at the same table, filling out all ninety-six of my own choices, alone.

Whenever Mom walked by, she’d glance at my screen and remind me not to hog the computer too long, since Poppy needed to use it too.

It’s not that she didn’t understand how much college applications mattered.

She just didn’t think mine mattered.

“Wren, I’ve been busy lately, I know I’ve been neglecting you, but you can’t gamble your future out of spite.”

“This isn’t spite.”

I looked toward the observatory in the distance.

“There’s one of the best observation facilities in the country here. It’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to come.”

Mom seemed to finally remember, only then, that I’d loved astronomy since I was little.

When I was small, I’d begged her for a telescope.

Later, when Poppy moved in next door and said pictures of the universe scared her, Mom put the telescope away in storage.

Later still, it got sold off as junk.

She’ll never know that after that, I saved every cent of my allowance and bought a used one to

replace it.

“But how can you go all that way alone? Who’s going to look after you?”

“I’m eighteen. I can take care of myself.”

“That doesn’t mean you get to just disappear without a word! We looked everywhere for you all morning, we nearly called the police!”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve been gone a month.”

Nothing but heavy breathing on the other end.

Their so-called “searching for me all morning” amounted to nothing more than realizing I was gone only when they needed me again.

Mom’s tone softened.

“Come back first, and we’ll figure this out together. If it really doesn’t work out, we’ll see if you can

transfer back local.”

“No. There’s no need to.”

“Wren Calloway!”

For the first time, I didn’t go quiet when she raised her voice.

“Mom, class is starting.”

“Whatever it is, it can wait until winter break.”

I hung up and put my phone on silent.

My roommate Josie Merrick waved me over.

“Wren, come on, the professor says we can see Jupiter tonight.”

I jogged over and pressed my eye to the eyepiece.

Jupiter’s bands were sharp and clear, a few of its moons like tiny points of light circling it.

The year I was sixteen, stranded on that mountain-it was because I’d gone looking for somewhere with no light pollution to watch a meteor shower.

Back then, when the three of them found me soaked from the rain, they all swore they’d never let

me be alone again.

But only now did I understand.

Being alone isn’t scary.

What’s actually terrifying is standing in the middle of a crowd and never once being seen.

When the event ended, Griffin texted from an unknown number.

[I already bought a ticket for tomorrow.]

[Wren. Wait for me.]

I read it, then powered my phone off completely.

He probably still didn’t get it.

This time, I wasn’t going to stand around waiting for anyone.