He Crossed the Ocean for Her, Never 90 Miles for Me Chapter 07

He Crossed the Ocean for Her, Never 90 Miles for Me Chapter 07

Julian opened the door to a dim living room. Only a floor lamp was on, leaving Caroline half in

shadow on the couch.

He had been out all afternoon.

He had walked along the river for more than two hours, until his legs ached, before finally taking a

cab home.

His thoughts were a mess.

One image kept returning: the smile Leah had given him before she walked away.

He had never seen her smile like that before.

Around him, Leah had always been careful, always trying to please him.

Julian sat at the other end of the couch and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples.

Caroline simply watched him.

The silence stretched on before she finally spoke.

“Julian, you’ve been gone a lot lately. Where do you keep going?”

He didn’t answer.

“You know, I think you’ve changed a lot over the years. You’re not the same person you were in

college.”.

Julian opened his eyes.

In the dim light, there was something in her expression he couldn’t read.

“How have I changed?”

“Ever since you graduated, you’ve always seemed distracted.”

Caroline held a stuffed toy in her arms.

“When we’re together, you’re either checking your phone or staring into space.”

“And sometimes when you talk to me… it feels like you’re really talking to someone else.”

“I keep wondering about when you came back and asked to get back together. Did you actually want me back, or did you just not know what else to do?”

Julian’s voice shot up.

“What about me? Did anyone ever ask what I wanted?”

“Did anyone ever stop to think what it felt like to have my whole life mapped out for me for more than twenty years?”

He was breathing hard.

“Even you can’t understand me, Caroline? You’re taking her side too?”

Caroline didn’t flinch.

She looked at him the way one might look at a lost child still insisting he knew the way.

“Julian, do you really hate Leah?”

The question stopped him cold.

Julian opened his mouth, but all the bitter words he had been ready to say suddenly wouldn’t come.

Did he hate Leah?

He suddenly remembered the winter of their third year together.

Leah had come all the way from Philadelphia to New York by herself and waited outside his office

with a container of soup.

It had turned sharply colder that day. By the time he saw her, her lips had gone blue from the cold.

But the second she saw him, she beamed.

“Mrs. Mercer made some soup. I was coming this way anyway, so I brought you some.”

That day, for once, he finished every last bit of it.

A coworker had glanced over and said, “You should treat your girlfriend better. She came all the

way from Philadelphia in this weather, and she’s freezing.”

Julian had said nothing.

But for the first time, it had hurt to see her like that.

“I don’t hate her.”

Caroline let out a slow breath.

“Julian, we should break up.”

His head snapped up.

“Why? You’re leaving too? Caroline, after everything I’ve done for you-”

She leaned forward and rested a hand lightly on his shoulder.

“You’ve done a lot for me, and I’m grateful. Every time you flew to London to see me, every time

you took care of me-I remember all of it.”

“But Julian, sometimes when you look at me, it doesn’t feel like you’re really looking at me.”

“Do you remember one of my birthdays? You got drunk and cried so hard. You held me, kept saying you were sorry… and you kept saying Leah’s name.”

Julian went rigid.

He couldn’t remember that night.

But then another memory surfaced.

The evening he and Leah had gotten together, it hadn’t actually been because she had annoyed him

into it.

It had been the way she turned back and looked at him.

That one look had thrown him completely off balance.

He had simply refused to admit it.

He had spent too many years feeding his resentment.

Blaming Leah for always showing up.

Blaming her for his mother never letting the subject drop.

Blaming her for making his life feel like it had never really belonged to him.

Caroline held out her phone.

“Leah’s getting married.”

There was a photo on the screen.

Leah wore a dress, her arm looped through Nathaniel’s, smiling up at him.

Julian had never seen her look like that.

Around him, she had always made herself smaller.

He had assumed that was simply who she was-that she couldn’t stand on her own.

He had been wrong.

With someone else, she could smile like that.

Caroline crouched in front of him and gently wiped his face.

Only then did he realize he was crying.

“People make mistakes, Julian. But at some point, you have to be honest about them.”

“Leah’s a good person. She didn’t deserve the way you treated her.”

Julian bowed his head and buried his face in his hands.

He cried hard, without even knowing exactly what he was crying for.