He Crossed the Ocean for Her, Never 90 Miles for Me Chapter 03

He Crossed the Ocean for Her, Never 90 Miles for Me Chapter 03

It was pouring the day I returned to Philadelphia.

I dragged my suitcase out of the subway station and walked all the way back to my apartment.

Life seemed exactly the same. I went to work, crammed onto the subway during the morning rush, and spent entire days sitting in front of my computer.

Only my phone was much quieter.

The conversation pinned at the top of my messages never had anything new waiting for me.

Still, I couldn’t stop checking Caroline’s Instagram.

She posted constantly—three or four times a day—and Julian was in every photo.

In one, he was holding cotton candy and looking at her. In another, fireworks lit his face in front of the Disney castle. In another, he was bent over tying her shoelaces with complete concentration.

He was smiling in every single picture.

I had never seen that smile before.

As I scrolled, I suddenly thought of my junior year.

I had finished the semester at the top of my program and rushed over to wait outside Julian’s classroom.

When he came out, he didn’t even slow down.

I followed him for half a block before he frowned at me.

“Why are you following me?”

I had always thought that was simply who Julian was—quiet, distant, unable to warm up to anyone.

I was wrong.

He planned birthday surprises for Caroline.

He remembered every anniversary.

If she casually said, “I want an iced latte from that place,” he would go three blocks out of his way to get one for her.

When she fell asleep, he would tuck a blanket around her and sit beside her reading.

Julian and I had been together for six years.

Not once had he reached for my hand first.

I finally understood.

Holding tighter to something that was never yours only left scars.

That afternoon, my manager called me into her office.

She slid a transfer request across the desk. It was dated the previous month.

“You applied for a transfer to New York. Is that still what you want?”

“The New York office does need people, but if you go, you’ll be starting from scratch. The clients and professional network you’ve built here won’t come with you.”

I looked down at the form.

Under Reason, I had written [Career development].

The truth was, there had never been any grand career plan.

When I filled it out, all I had wanted was to be closer to Julian.

When it was time to apply to college, Julian said he planned to stay in Philadelphia, so I applied to schools there too.

By sophomore year, I learned from someone else that he had already started interning in New York.

He had never told me.

After that, it became a habit.

Every choice I made pointed toward New York.

When I applied to grad school, every program on my list was there.

I sent my résumés to New York companies.

Even when I browsed apartment listings, New York was the first place I searched.

Julian had been the fixed point I used to map my entire youth.

Every decision I made had been plotted around him.

Looking back, it was almost laughable.

I picked up the transfer request, stood, and dropped it into the trash.

“I’m not going. I’m staying in Philadelphia.”

After a full day of work, I came home and collapsed onto the couch with my phone.

A friend suddenly texted me.

Friend: [Leah, did you know Julian proposed to Caroline?]

I stared at the message until my eyes started to ache.

Friend: [They were actually together back in college.]

Friend: [Julian was the one who went after her. He spent more than six months trying to win her over. Then Caroline left to study abroad, and they broke up.]

Friend: [He treated her incredibly well.]

Friend: [He’d skip class and travel all night just to see her. He talked to her on the phone for hours every day. He almost got into a fight with a guy who was into her…]

My chest tightened as I read.

She must have realized she had said too much, because she unsent the last two messages. Then she sent another.

Friend: [Are you okay? Honestly, even when you and Julian were together, I never thought he was… serious about you. Try to let him go.]

I gave a bitter smile.

Me: [I’m fine. We broke up. It’s over.]

My phone vibrated again almost immediately.

This time, it was Julian.

Julian: [Come over tomorrow. We’re having a family dinner. I’d like you to be there.]

A few minutes later, another message arrived.

Julian: [I want you to tell everyone yourself that we broke up a long time ago. Don’t make things difficult for Caroline. She doesn’t know anything.]

The room was completely silent.

I closed our thread and scrolled to a contact I hadn’t spoken to in a long time.

Me: [Come to my place tomorrow. Don’t be late.]