After Three Losses, I Stopped Looking Back Chapter 08

After Three Losses, I Stopped Looking Back Chapter 08

I went perfectly still. Memories I’d spent years burying clawed their way back to the surface. He came toward me.

Silas stepped in front of me before Julian could get close, his expression hard as stone. Julian stopped. His eyes dropped to my hand in Silas’s.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Clara’s husband. Back off.”

The word hit Julian like a physical blow. His face drained of color. Then his gaze dropped to Lily — and the resemblance to me was unmistakable.

“Is she yours?”

I touched Silas’s arm. “Take Lily to the car. I’ll handle this.”

Silas didn’t budge. I almost smiled. I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek.

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

He lifted Lily onto his hip and started down the hill, glancing back over his shoulder every few steps.

Julian watched every second of it — the touch, the kiss, the ease between us — and each one cut deeper than the last. The thought hit before he could stop it.

So this was what Clara felt. Watching him with Audrey must have felt exactly like this.

“Clara—”

I slapped him. Full force, across the face of the man I’d once loved more than anything.

His head snapped sideways. When he turned back, his eyes were red.

I steadied myself. “That’s what you owe me. And you have no right to be here, Julian.”

His fists clenched at his sides. “I’m sorry. I never thought it would end up like this. I’m sorry, Clara. All of it — it was my fault.”

I stared at him, and years of buried rage rose like bile.

“You didn’t know? You knew exactly what Audrey did to me. You watched her frame me, humiliate me — and you knew she was the reason my father was in the ground! And what did you do? I don’t even hate Audrey the most, Julian. I hate you. You’re the one I can’t forgive. And some days, I wished it had been you in the ground instead of him.”

Each word landed like a blow. He swayed, his whole body buckling, like the ground was shifting under him.

He couldn’t argue. Every word was true.

All he could do was stand there, head bowed, fists white-knuckled, whispering the same two words over and over. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I exhaled.

“Don’t come back here. My father doesn’t want your guilt. Let him rest in peace.”

I turned to leave. Julian grabbed my wrist.

“Clara.” His voice broke. “Can we start over?”

The words hung in the air between us. For a second, I thought I’d misheard. Then the absurdity of it hit, and I laughed — sharp and incredulous.

“What did you just say to me?”

“Start over?”

I yanked my wrist free. “God, Julian. You really haven’t changed at all, have you? Still the same unbelievable arrogance. After everything you did, what makes you think you deserve a second chance? What makes you think I could ever look at you and not see every single thing you took from me? You think I’d walk away from my husband and my daughter for you?”

Every question landed. He flinched with each one.

He had nothing. No answer. No defense. Just the same blind panic he’d felt years ago, watching her walk away. Nothing else mattered. If she walked away now, it was permanent.

Julian sank to his knees. Right there on the cemetery path, in front of me, tears hitting the dirt.

“I haven’t had a single night of peace, Clara. Not one. The guilt — it doesn’t stop. It never stops. Please don’t leave. I’m begging you. Please.”

He looked up at me, and the tears were streaming down his face, uncontrolled, undignified.

Something shifted inside me. Looking at him on his knees, I saw myself. The version of me that used to beg just like this.

I’d knelt the same way — at the altar, in our apartment, every time I asked him to choose me over Audrey.

And what did he do?

I pulled my hand free. Every word came out slow and deliberate. “No. You did this to yourself.”

His eyes were drowning. I looked away. “Stop this, Julian. Keep whatever dignity you have left.”

I turned around and walked away. I didn’t look back. Not once. Just like he’d done to me at the altar all those years ago.

He stayed on his knees, motionless except for the shaking in his shoulders. The sobs made no sound.

And finally, kneeling in the dirt beside her father’s grave, he understood. The only woman who had ever truly loved him was gone.

I walked down the hill. Silas pulled me in and held me. Lily grabbed my hand and tugged. “Let’s go home, Mommy.”