He Crossed the Ocean for Her, Never 90 Miles for Me Chapter 08

He Crossed the Ocean for Her, Never 90 Miles for Me Chapter 08

My wedding day was the first clear day Philadelphia had seen since winter began.

I sat at the vanity in the bridal suite while Caroline crouched behind me, straightening the train of

my dress.

“Leah, Julian and I broke up.”

My hand shook for a second.

She looked up and smiled at me through the mirror. Her smile was as open and bright as ever,

without a trace of gloom.

“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself. Your only job today is to look gorgeous and be

happy.”

I turned around and took her hand.

“You deserve to be happy too, Caroline.”

She nodded firmly.

Later, I was touching up my lipstick when the bridal-suite door opened.

A figure appeared in the mirror behind me.

Julian stood in the doorway, looking exhausted.

He opened his mouth, and when he finally spoke, his voice was rough.

“Leah… you look beautiful.”

The room went quiet.

“But getting married this fast… are you sure you’re not rushing into it?”

His voice dropped.

“You should at least make sure he’s really right for

I cut him off.

you

“Julian. We’re family. That’s all.”

His eyes reddened.

“I’m going to be happy. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

For a long moment, he couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“Okay… okay.”

“I know. I should’ve treated you better all these years.”

Just then, Nathaniel walked in, beaming.

He held out his hand to me.

“Leah, it’s time.”

As I passed Julian, I stopped for a moment.

I said softly, “Julian, move on.”

Then I walked down the aisle.

When the music began, I thought of an evening many years ago.

I had been fourteen, sitting in the Mercer backyard waiting for Julian to come home from school.

The apple tree was heavy with small green apples.

Mrs. Mercer had draped a jacket around my shoulders, smoothed my hair, and told me what a sweet

girl I was.

Back then, I thought waiting for someone was simply what you did.

I thought that if I waited long enough, eventually the person I wanted would find his way to me.

It took me years to understand that you had to choose your own way forward.

If someone never came for you, you turned around.

If you took the wrong road, you found another one.

Nathaniel stood in front of me, looking at me with nothing but sincerity.

“I love you, Leah. I’ll spend the rest of my life making you happy.”

Tears pricked my eyes as I nodded.

Two years passed quickly.

Little by little, my work began to take off.

I went from a desk in a tiny coworking space to a street-level office of my own.

All kinds of women came through my door.

Some were trapped in abusive marriages and terrified to leave.

Some were being bullied at work and afraid to speak up.

Some were buckling under relentless pressure from their families to get married.

I would sit across from them and say, “Choose yourself first. The rest can come later.”

Caroline became my best friend.

Eventually, she started dating someone new, a kind, steady doctor.

Whenever we ate together, he quietly made sure she ate enough before she started feeling

lightheaded.

Mom came by our place every few days with bags of groceries.

She would take over the kitchen and immediately start correcting Nathaniel.

“The heat’s too high! And you added the salt too early!”

Nathaniel would stand beside her and pay close attention.

Eventually, he really did learn.

His pot roast became incredible.

The four of us traveled together often.

In spring, we went to Washington, D.C. for the cherry blossoms.

In summer, we headed to the coast.

In fall, we went to the Poconos for the foliage.

Julian’s letter arrived in early spring.

[Dear Leah,

Ever since I saw you at your wedding, I haven’t known what to do with myself.

Then I remembered how, when we were kids, you were always talking about wanting to help people.

So I started volunteering with a community program in rural Appalachia.

It’s remote out here, and resources are limited, but the people I’ve met are genuine.

I teach people to read and help fix up a small community library.

I’ve met a lot of people and heard a lot of stories.

But every night, when I lie down in the room where I’m staying, what I think about most is the past.

I think about you sitting alone in that shop until dark.

I think about you standing outside my office, shivering in the cold.

I think about you turning away from me in that square.

The greatest regret of my life is that when I should have been looking out for you, I treated you so

badly instead.

The truth is, I never hated you.

I was just a coward.

I couldn’t admit how good you had been to me all those years.

So I blamed you for everything that went wrong in my life.

As long as I could blame you, I never had to blame myself.

You once asked me why I never told Caroline the truth.

The answer is that I wasn’t fair to her either.

I thought I loved her, so I believed I wasn’t supposed to have feelings for you too.

It wasn’t until something she said that day that I finally understood.

What I felt for you was never hatred.

I just didn’t know how to love.

Somehow, everything I called love became something I owed an apology for.

People ask me why I don’t meet someone new.

I always tell them I don’t need to.

Because I already know what it is to have someone love me with her whole heart.

Leah, please be happy.

More than anything, please be happy.

Let this be the regret I carry for the rest of my life.]

I folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope.

When I looked up, Nathaniel was walking toward me with a plate of fruit, his apron still damp from

the kitchen.

He bent down and kissed me without asking a single question.

Outside the window, fresh buds had begun to appear on the trees.

Fate was strange.

It took things from you without warning.

But when it gave you something, it did so just as quietly.

I remembered something I had read many years ago.

Ten thousand winters still give way to ten thousand springs.

Ten thousand goodbyes still leave room for ten thousand reunions.

There was no going back to what was gone.

But there was still tomorrow.

And every tomorrow that brings me to you.