Ice on the Outside, Screaming Love on the Inside Chapter 04

Ice on the Outside, Screaming Love on the Inside Chapter 04

Marnie still wanted to stay, but I couldn’t take another minute of it.

I made up an excuse and left early.

I was outside calling a rideshare when Joren followed me out.

I shot him a sidelong glance and said nothing.

Joren cleared his throat.

“I wasn’t having much fun either. I was going to head out. Want to go together?”

“That’s not on your way.”

“It is.”

Joren answered so fast it was practically automatic.

I turned to look at him.

“Don’t you live on the west side of town?”

“I… I’m going to my uncle’s. He lives in your apartment complex.”

“Oh.”

That killed the conversation.

Once I stopped hoping for anything with Joren, sitting beside him wasn’t as nerve-racking as it used to be.

Once we were in the car, neither of us spoke.

But I could hear his thoughts.

And somehow, it sounded like he was insulting me.

[Such a coward. Can’t even get a single word out.]

[This is driving me insane. How much longer do I have to keep this act up before it finally works?]

[Didn’t she say she liked aloof guys? Why does this feel completely wrong?]

I shifted uncomfortably, irritation simmering in my chest.

I used to be the one constantly starting conversations while he barely gave me anything back. Now that I’d stopped talking, he was calling me a coward in his head?

I’d been trying so hard to act like I didn’t care. Had he still seen right through me?

The awkwardness got unbearable, so I asked the driver to let me out early. I needed a walk to clear my head.

Joren got out too.

He fell into step beside me.

Moonlight washed over the quiet street.

Even after deciding to give him up, walking beside the boy I’d liked for a year still made my heart race.

Then Joren ruined the moment with one sentence.

“Bring me a breakfast burrito tomorrow. With an extra egg.”

I was so speechless I stumbled.

Joren reacted instantly, grabbing my arm to steady me.

I crashed straight into his chest.

A faint gardenia scent drifted toward me.

We were way too close.

Before my brain could catch up, I was already on my tiptoes, kissing his cheek.

Joren stared at me, completely frozen.

[AHHHHHHHHH!]

The deafening scream inside his head snapped me back to reality.

You’d think I’d just committed some horrible crime against him.

I ran.

I didn’t stop for a long time.

When I finally looked back, Joren was still standing where I’d left him, one arm still half-raised as if he were steadying me, like someone had turned him into a statue.

I barely slept that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Joren’s face.

When I finally drifted off, I dreamed he bent down and kissed me.

After I woke up, I stared at the ceiling in silence for a long time.

No.

I couldn’t keep doing this.

If I was going to give him up, I needed to do it for real.

I decided to distance myself from Joren, and from Marnie for a while, too.

I needed to focus.

I needed to focus on school, get into a good college, and stop letting Joren scramble my brain.

When Marnie heard I’d set my sights on Harvard, she assumed it was because of Joren and immediately became my biggest supporter.

I couldn’t be bothered to explain, but I did tell her one thing.

“Joren said he wants a breakfast burrito in the morning. Extra egg.”

Marnie rolled her eyes. “Not my problem.”

The next morning, I headed to school alone. From a distance, I spotted Joren waiting by the front entrance.

I immediately tried to slip past him.

He called out to me anyway.

“Ophelia, where’s my breakfast burrito?”

I answered, completely unapologetic.

“Didn’t bring one. I don’t owe you breakfast.”

After a beat, I added,

“Marnie’s behind me.”

I figured if I acted cold enough, Joren would stop thinking I was so clingy and annoying.

But maybe Marnie wasn’t giving him the time of day either, because all morning, Joren’s thoughts filled my head.

[She’s ignoring me. This sucks. She must be upset about something.]

[I need to be brave and figure out what’s bothering her. Just ask her what’s wrong.]

[Come on, Joren. At least find out what happened.]

I nearly sprayed water across my desk.

Sure enough, after class, Joren came looking for answers.

He called me into the hallway and immediately demanded,

“Did you and Marnie have a fight?”